I once told my baseball coach that I just wasn't a leader. I told him I was the quiet type, the only way I could lead, was by example on the field. He replied that I was a leader if I chose to be; a sentiment echoed by my parents. It seems that for some inexplicable reason, I am, time and again, thrust into a leadership role that I've passionately tried to avoid. This brought so many questions to my head. Am I just meant to be a leader? Perhaps God will continue putting leadership roles in my path until I have learned to accept them. Are leaders born or simply coincidentally placed in these situations?
It's been said that, "Leaders must live by higher standards than their followers." I didn't want the responsiblity of those higher standards. From a young and immature age I knew my sister was watching. She followed in my footsteps, not wanting to fall behind in anything I did. This included friendships, our height and even school. And for being a year younger, she did a terrific job...however I fought this process, desperately wanting to formulate my own, unique identity. I never truly learned to embrace the leadership role I was given. My rocky baseball career flew by and I never stepped up in any sense. I supported the various captain's of my baseball team but I preferred to stay behind the scenes.
As Christ would have it, I fell into a leadership role in church also. From the age of 13-years-old forward, my family didn't have a home church, so it was easy to stay invisible. Finally, two years ago, I found a church to call home. My siblings and I fell in love with the church and actively participated in many areas. One of which was the youth ministry. Being a very old youth member at 18, I was inherently bestowed with an unspoken leadership role for the younger members. I subconsciencely ignored this leadership opportunity and strived to learn what I could. Freshly out of my parents home, I was in a tumultuous time of decisions and limitless freedom. Looking back I am so disappointed in myself. I gave myself alot of credit because I was learning alot and thought I was doing good. My pride had me blinded to the fact that I was not, in any way, leading in a Godly walk as I should. Now, two years later, the young youth ministry is entirely graduated and preparing to disband. Some will stay and join a college and career class, others are embarking on a new stage in life at a college elsewhere. I look at our group and have such a heavy heart. I feel like I failed in leading them in any sense of the word. We all admit to having a lackluster desire to read The Word, we have weak faith at best and everyone's standards in movies and life in general, seem to be regressing. I feel like, as the oldest, I should have set a better example. Instead, we are entering one of the hardest times of our lives, ill prepared and spiritually debilitated.
The point of this blog isn't to depress anyone, but instead encourage you to not waste opportunities you're given. God specifically chooses those He wants in leadership roles. Moses, David and Paul are three very prominent examples. In the end Paul was able to write, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." - (2 Tim.4:7) Thank God my race isn't over, I just hope at the end, I can say the same as Paul.
"Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." - (Col. 4:5-6)
"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil." - (Eph. 5:15-16)
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